This week on GM’S AGAINST BRIAN BURKE! Sharks General Manager Doug Wilson plots against his Western Conference rival in his underground lair. Let’s take a listen…

Doug Wilson: Alright boys, welcome to the third annual meeting of the Legion of GM’s Against Brian Burke. Let’s recap our past accomplishments, shall we? This summer, we almost convinced Scott Niedermeyer to retire, but someone wasn’t able to finish the job….Lou.

Lou Lamoriello: Sorry Doug. I let you down.

Doug Wilson: Yes you did, Sweet Lou. You let us all down here in the Legion. That’s the last time I take a salary dump off your hands….Last month, we convinced Brian that waiving Breezy was a good idea. Nice work everyone.

Wayne Gretzky: Thank you so much guys. To show my gratitude, I’ve got a great tip on the Patriots/Jets game tomorrow from my wife…

Doug Wilson: Hold it. How the #%&@ did you get in here Gretzky? You lost your GM license a long time ago. Now go fix your hair and pretend to coach that team of yours. Okay, GM’s…this week we have to find a way to completely screw over Brian Burke as he tries to dump salary to get Niedermeyer back. Any ideas?

Kevin Lowe: I’ll offer five years, 55 million for Corey Perry!

Doug Wilson: Put a sock in it Lowe. Next?

John Ferguson, Jr: Please stop booing me. I’m doing the best I can. Does anyone want Andrew Raycroft? Anyone?

Doug Wilson: Stop begging John. Have some dignity. Come on boys! Doesn’t anyone have an aging veteran, an unknown prospect and a bag of shit to offer?

John Davidson: How about Doug Weight, Michal Birner and a 7th round pick for All-Star center Andy McDonald?

Doug Wilson: Brilliant!

JFJ: Damn it! Does anyone want Mark Bell?

Doug Wilson: This meeting of the Legion of GM’s Against Brian Burke is adjourned….Good work everyone.

Yeah, the Canucks are pretty banged up. Bobby Lou, Morrison, and various other players were out last night. But a team that lost to the Kings without Cammaleri and Frolov beat the hell out of Vancouver last night. And when their grip on Vancouver’s neck loosened a bit when the lead was thinned to one goal, the Sharks squeezed harder, got quick goals by Jumbo and Bernier, and coasted to a 5-2 victory. The Sharks are 3-0 against the Northwest leader this season.

The story of the evening was clearly the blinding speed shown by Patty and Michalek en route to their mirror-image goals. Michalek turned the jets on down the right side, and Marleau the left. Both cut to the middle and beat the goalie far-side high.

I can’t imagine what ran through Drew McIntyre’s head when he saw Big Joe barreling down on him on a breakaway in the third period. He probably could have used a diaper when Joe wound up for the slap shot. Welcome to the NHL, meat.

In other news, Semenov went out of the game in the 2nd with a hand injury. I don’t pay that close attention to who is getting ice time when, so I didn’t discover that until this morning. But I admit, my first thought was, “There is a God.” Not very nice of me. I wouldn’t actually wish an injury on him, but I take favors when they come. Hopefully it will give my boy Carle an opportunity to work himself back into the lineup for good.

Someone in the Sharks organization leaked Alexei Semenov’s team picture before color correction and cosmetic surgery:

In the latest installment of “Did You Know”, did you know that last night’s +1 effort was Frankenov’s first plus game of the season? Brings him up to a glistening -6 in 12 games. On the positive side, he’s a big dude. Big. Really Big. The problem is he seems to be made of wood, and he doesn’t use his size for the forces of Good. Only for the for the forces of Slow. Yeah, he got into a fight last night, and promptly got his ass kicked by Todd Fedoruk, who’s entire face is now made of paper maché. Or as the Canadians would say, “POP-i-yay MA-shay”. Or as Semenov would say, “UNNNHHHH”.

In fact, I heard the build-up to the fight, because it was near section 124:
Semenov: BRAINS!
Fedoruk: What the fuck d’you say to me?!
<drops gloves>

But we kid because we love. Sort of. I still can’t understand why Semenov is out on the first PP unit every night. He has three points, none on the power play. I’ve been reduced to thinking that Ron Wilson has an overdeveloped sense of irony.

But as Grier said, it was an all-around great effort by the Sharks last night, and I would rank it as the Sharks’ best of the season.

I’ve decided the Sharks are like a bad case of herpes….they show up unpredictably from time to time , when in full force they are a huge pain in the ass to those they encounter and they are a part of Chris Pronger’s life eight times a year.

The Sharks played their best game in weeks tonight against Minnesota. This was not a phantom win. They finished checks. They crashed the net. Bernier and Pavelski showed up and demonstrated all that “potential” we’ve been waiting to see. Marcel Goc and Kyle McLaren finally got out of the press box and both of them had excellent games and were seemingly everywhere on the ice. Fittingly, Goc, Bernier and Pavelski were the games three stars and McLaren kicked Aaron Voros’ ass in a fight during the third period. Super Joe didn’t have to carry the load tonight. Even Semenov was a +1.

The goals weren’t pretty. They don’t always have to be, something the Sharks have a hard time getting through their Teal skulls. Minnesota, a team known for hard work, hustle and team defense looked outmatched tonight. This would be a first round match up if the playoffs began today, and I’m sure the Wild hope this won’t end up being the case. The Sharks finally looked like the biggest team in the NHL and won back the home fans tonight.

So….will the “Teal Herp” return again in full force vs. Vancouver on Thursday or will the Canucks have taken their Valtrex? If the Sharks play like they did tonight – the Canucks, without Luongo in the pipes due to injury, will be next on the homestand hit parade and remission for the rest of the NHL will be tough to come by.

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An interesting bit of news from the Ottawa Sun. Patrick Marleau’s no trade clause apparently kicks in on January 1st, 2008 – so we can expect these Marleau rumors to continue the next few weeks and then finally disappear…..or come to fruition. While I think the Sharks need some new blood and an infusion of energy, trading Patty and getting equal value is going to be difficult. I don’t see Toronto, Ottawa or Montreal offering anything that can help this team RIGHT NOW become better and take steps to defeat the Red Wings or the Ducks in a seven game series. Vermette and a pick? Kaberle for Marleau and McLaren? No thanks.

Will Patty stay or will he go?

Round and round we go, when the Sharks will win at home – nobody knows.

I count my lucky stars that I wasn’t able to attend last nights embarassment, but I was in Downtown San Jose having a late dinner with some friends at a San Jose landmark restaurant, Original Joe’s – the type of place you would expect Tony Soprano to walk into at any moment. We were surrounded by Sabres fans and right behind me was a table of Buffalo players, including Derek Roy, Brian Campbell, Maxim Afinogenov, Ales Kotalik and Tim Connolly. I was impressed by how awesome they were with their fans, signing autographs, shaking hands and posing for pictures while they were trying to eat their dinner. It only further illustrates that hockey players are the most gracious professional athletes in the United States and that they really get how important the fans are to their sport.

I texted Mike and said. “We are sitting behind a bunch of Buffalo players.”

MIKE: “Tell them to go #$&@ themselves.”

ME: “Wow. I just heard them say it was 7-1.”

MIKE “No comment”.

I can only imagine how terrible the game was. I tried saying last week that the Sharks are still not themselves, even though they went 3-0 on the recent road swing. They beat Colorado without Sakic and Svatos, they beat Dallas who really isn’t that good, let’s face it and they barely beat Phoenix in a game that was dull beyond belief. To an outside NHL fan, it appears the Sharks are still alive and well with a winning record and in playoff position, but for a team that we say over and over should be taking that next step, to lose at home to a Buffalo team that is not the powerhouse they were the last two years 7-1? Unreal.

Where is McLaren, by the way? Great to Semenov get another -2. What is going on here? Are we turning into a defensive team that will run out seven defensemen and try to hold on for 2-1 wins night after night? How will this Jekyll and Hyde team respond against a very good Minnesota club on Tuesday? What does Doug Wilson need to do to get this team on the right track?

Eklund posed the question of Marleau and McLaren for Kaberle this morning and it made me dry heave.

I am so confused by this team that, for the moment, I have to agree with Mike.

No comment.

Pretty embarrasing game, losing 7-1 like that. Especially after leading 1-0 after the first. The speed and crispness of Buffalo’s breakout was apparent throughout the entire game, but it wasn’t without risk. The Sharks had at least two breakaways, and a two-on-one. If the Sharks scored on at least half of those, it might have been a different game.

Really, the most interesting thing that happened during the game is the complete and utter failure of Dmitri Patzold. I’ve no doubt this guy could mature into a NHL caliber goalie, but he just ain’t there yet. He gave up 3 goals on 9 shots, and looked very tentative, especially his lateral movement. The first goal he gave up, he just didn’t get a good push across, or hesitated to do so. The far side of the net was wide open.

It’s clear now why Nabby has started every game, and will probably continue to do so. Lack of confidence in your goalie will greatly affect the way you play, and if Patzold starts a few games, I would predict the offensive output to be even more anemic than it already is. It’s time to grab a veteran backup that may not be a solid #1 all the time, but you can at least know that he can face down NHL competition. Patzold can’t do that right now. Or maybe the Sharks should try Griess out. He’s 6-6 in Worchester with a 3.33 GAA and .895 SV%.

All NHL teams go through bad games and slumps. The measure of a good or great team is their ability to bounce back. Will we see the Sharks in the Detroit series, who were a shadow of their former selves once they lost the OT game? Or will we see the Sharks after the “Destruction in the Desert” game last year, when they righted themselves quickly after an 8-0 blowout in Phoenix? We’ll definitely know after this week’s games against the Wild, Canucks, and Stars.

Hoo boy, the game last night was boring. If it weren’t for Grier and some others buddies over, complete with beer and pizza, I don’t know if I would have stayed awake for the whole thing. There were only a handle of quality scoring chances for either team in the game it seemed, and a broken play (Thornton was really looking for Roenick) resulted in the game’s only goal.

Like the Avs game, the Sharks seemed to recede into a bit of a shell late in the game, with extra drama inserted by Rissmiller’s completely retarded penalty. I know it was a total accident, just bad luck really, but taking an offensive zone penalty with two minutes left in a one goal game has to be infuriating for the coaching staff. The 6-on-4 last minute was pretty tense, but no great scoring chances came about.

That’s enough of that- even reading about that game is giving me the yawns.

In other news:

• We were flipping around various games on Center Ice, and we watched some of the last of the Dallas-Ottawa matchup. First of all, I LOVE CENTER ICE. Second of all, if Ottawa is doing their thing, and there were only flashes of it that I saw, nobody in the NHL could hang with them. I know they’ve lost a bunch in a row, but they get their ass in gear, they’ll give anybody in the playoffs all they can handle. Even Detroit. I can’t say the same about the Sharks right now.
• Recchi was claimed by Atlanta. They still have the same problem they had yesterday- if Kovalchuk goes cold or gets hurt, Atlanta is in a world of hurt. And even if he stays healthy, they could start sucking again at any time. Hmm, kind of like Nabby and the Sharks.
• Things have quieted down in Toronto for the time being, nothing like winning a few. I’m still stunned that for all the trade rumors that have been floating around, none involved Tucker. Could it be that he’s the name that GM’s have been keeping under their hats, trying to throw JFJ and the press off the scent?
• Listen to the Teal Spiel tonight if you can- Randy Hahn will be on taking questions. I might try to call in, but I’m probably meeting friends for dinner before tonight’s game.

So I see this quote from Bob McKenzie at TSN:

The Ducks’ committed payroll for next season is the issue. With Niedermayer potentially returning, and with another year left on his contract after this season, the Ducks could not add him to the roster now without freeing up cap room for next season. In the new CBA, it’s called ‘tagging’ room and the Ducks don’t have enough of it next season to allow Niedermayer back on the roster this season – unless they move a player who is under contract for next season.

And since I’m a geek, I have to figure out what this means. I have a copy of the CBA on my desktop (doesn’t everyone?) and I look up this “tagging” rule (50.5(e)(iv)(C)):

In order for a Club to sign such a Player to a multi-year SPC after December 1 of a season, the Club must have Payroll Room equal to or in excess of the Averaged Amount of the Player Salary and Bonuses for the remainder of such season. If, however, the Averaged Amount of the SPC exceeds the Club’s Payroll Room for the then-current League Year, the Club may still sign such SPC, provided that it has Payroll Room and, if such Payroll Room is insufficient to acquire the SPC, it has an amount equal to one or more SPCs that will expire at the end of such League Year, in an amount equal to or in excess of the amount by which the Averaged Amount exceeds the Club’s Payroll Room (the “Tagged Payroll Room”). Until such time as the Club has or makes Payroll Room in the current year in excess of such Tagged Payroll Room, the Club may not engage in any Player transactions requiring Payroll Room, including but not limited to, acquiring an SPC or “extending” or entering into a new SPC (the “Tagging Rule”). In the event the Club does have or creates such excess Payroll Room, it may use such excess Payroll Room in accordance with the terms of this Agreement.

It’s like a friggin’ obfuscated code contest. But I think I figured it out. The salary cap (around $51M) is actually pro-rated daily for the regular season, 187 days. So now that SN comes back, the Ducks don’t pay him his entire $6.75M salary, it’s pro-rated for the days he missed. That enables the Ducks to be under the cap this season, even though his average salary puts them over it. But the ‘tagging rule’ above says that if it’s a multi-year deal, which SN’s is, the team must also have salary at the end of this year equal to the amount they went over (based on his average salary, not the pro-rated one). If they don’t, they need to clear out other players with multi-year deals before Scotty can suit up. I’ve tried running the numbers, but I don’t see the Ducks over the cap this year, even taking SNs average salary cap hit, so I’m confused on that point.

For those wondering, the rule for single-year SPCs (standard player contracts) is that a club can sign them for whatever amount they want, as long as the total amount paid comes in under the cap. So if the Sharks have $1M left under the cap, they could theoretically sign Selanne to a $187M single year contract on the last day of the season, paying him $1M for a single day’s work, and come in under the cap. This means the Roger Clemens idea is is full effect- there is no CBA prohibition on joining a team at any point of the season.

Update: It turns out the Ducks also need to pre-calculate the cap for all the years of SN’s contract, and given the raises to Getzlaf and Kunitz next year, factoring in SN’s numbers, they Ducks will by over. It’s seems very odd the Ducks need to correct that overage now, but it is what it is. Thanks for the comments.