I went 0 for 5 with a beautiful woman this afternoon. Still a loser.

This afternoon, it appeared the hockey gods had smiled a giant toothy Baba Booey grin upon the Sharks. The Vancouver parade to the penalty box was plentiful, they were losing their composure and the Sharks were given golden opportunity after golden opportunity to take the lead. And then…0 for freaking 5.

When lady luck invites you over, you have to score. That’s the bottom line.

Sure, the Sharks melted down and allowed multiple 5 on 3’s and three goals in two minutes, but it never ever should have gotten to that point. The Sharks had been operating at a tasty 41% (5 for 12) on the PP in the first three games, so they should have easily had a 2-0 lead after five free gifts from Vancouver. The Sharks could gain the zone. They could even set up, but it was one shot and done, Vancouver was always first to the puck and they could clear from anywhere at any time.

We said at the beginning of the series that special teams would decide the winner. The Sharks may have dug their own grave today by refusing their free gift from the Canucks. I’m not giving up but I was pretty disappointed today. I can handle losing, but when the Sharks had the girl back at their place, took her upstairs and got her undressed…they busted out their Bobo Fett action figures.

Want to feel better? Vancouver has been up 3-1 against Chicago and Nashville in the playoffs this year and they lost both Game 5’s at home, so all is not lost. All you have to do is win one game to make this a series again and I have to believe the Sharks will do just that.

We will record the next podcast on Wednesday to talk about Game Six….make it so.

After a beatdown in game 2 versus Vancouver, the Dudes have few answers.  At least there’s a lot of room for improvement by the Sharks.

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Mike, Doug, and WingsFan from SharksLand finally put the Wings series to bed, with the now-annual reading of funny lines about the Wings.  It’s also time for the Vancouver preview, with the Dudes identifying the keys to the series, and how Game 1 is extremely important.

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Although Doug and I are both still riding the high of last night, we are actively planning for our weekend podcast, in which we will collect on our bet from WingsFan From SharksLand, same one as last year.  I recommend refreshing your memory by listening to last year’s equivalent episode – Episode 99.  This year, we will also take your suggestions for lines, either through Twitter or email.  Get those in if you have any comedy inspiration.

Of course, the weekend episode will also include a Western Conference Finals preview.

Mike and Doug give their initial reactions to the close game 7 matchup, a series that was decided on the most razor-thin of margins.

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Game Seven is tomorrow night at the Tank. I don’t think it’s overly dramatic to say that this is the biggest game in franchise history. Fitting it should happen when the Sharks are celebrating their 20th year of existence as an NHL franchise.

There are two obvious outcomes here:

1. The Sharks deliver a dramatic victory at the Tank and move forward to face Vancouver in the Conference Finals and all is forgotten, like a bad dream. It becomes a landmark series for the franchise and Stanley Cup hopes are still alive. Just another bump in the long road to winning it all. Gumdrops and lollipops and whiskey.
2. Sharks complete operation meltdown and lose on Thursday night and the franchise officially hits a new all-time low. Worse than losing to the 8th seeded Ducks. Worse than being swept by the Blackhawks. Worse than losing to the Oilers after leading 2-0 in the series. This is rock bottom.

I feel like this has not been a heart healthy sports year, but I’m absolutely refusing to throw in the towel and I hope you will join me in bringing the fighting spirit to the Tank tomorrow. Do we want to boys to go into to tomorrow expecting to lose? I remember the atmosphere in Vancouver in Round One when the Canucks played Game Seven two weeks ago. The crowd was rabid and the victory was sweet. Vancouver fans were probably feeling as bad as we are, perhaps worse.

If the Sharks win or lose, I am going down a raving madman in the stands. Join me in taking the following pledge.

• I will wave whatever towel or frilly pom pom like plastic material they give me.
• I will hug strangers and especially the guy who looks like Keyser Soze that’s always on the big screen.
• I will shake my junk with the Dancing Bear.
• I will scream Teriyaki Rice Bowl at the top of my lungs in the concourse.
• I will consume an overpriced jack and coke.
• I will try and fight Bertuzzi myself, if need be, and I will beat his ass.
• I will not sit down during the final period if we are winning.
• I will not utter the word “Vancouver” until the game is over. No matter what the score. No lead is safe.
• I am going to will them to victory…. or go down in flames trying.

Tomorrow night will either be the best memory in franchise history or the worst.

Choose your road, Sharks.

I’ve chosen mine. I am not giving up.

The Marleau Years Have Been Kind When Up Three Games

Something to chew on before Game Six. Here is a record of San Jose Sharks teams with Patrick Marleau on them in playoff series they have lead going into Game Six.

1999-2000 vs. St. Louis – SERIES WIN 4-3.

Sharks are the eight seed here and were leading this series 3-1 going into Game Five. They dropped Games Five and Six and it appeared the heavily favored Blues would win, but the Sharks won Game Seven in St. Louis 3-1. Marleau didn’t play a factor in this series.

2001-02 vs. Colorado – SERIES LOSS 4-3

Sharks take a series lead with a win on the road in Game Five, but drop the final two games to lose the series to the favored Avalanche. Marleau had zero points in both the final two games after notching 11 points in the previous ten playoff games.

2003-04 vs. Colorado – SERIES WIN 4-2

This scenario should feel the most familiar and give us a degree of hope tonight. The Avalanche were huge bullies on the block and chock full of superstars and the Sharks ran out to a 3-0 series lead. The Sharks then then lost Game Four 2-1 in OT and Game Five 2-1 in OT at the Tank, sending the Avs home to Colorado believing they could win the series and causing Sharks fans to see deja vu. The Sharks went to the Pepsi Center and won Game Six 3-1 with a huge second period.

2007-08 vs. Calgary – SERIES WIN 4-3

The Sharks broke the series deadlock with a win at home in Game Five, but dropped Game Six in Calgary 2-0. We all remember the Game Seven win at the Tank and JR’s explosion of four points in the win.

2009-10 vs. Colorado – SERIES WIN 4-2

The exorcism of Dan Boyle and the Craig Anderson Lifetime movie finally ended in Game Six after the Sharks woke up and spanked the Baby Avs the final two games of the series. They won, on the road, in Game Six to close this **** out.

2010-11 vs. Los Angeles – SERIES WIN 4-2

Our memories aren’t this short are they? The Sharks had the chance to close out LA at home in Game Five and could not do it. In fact, they got embarrassed by Kyle Clifford, no less. The boys finished the job in OT in Game Six…and here we are…

2010-11 vs. Detroit – UNKNOWN

The track record from The Marleau Years is there. In this situation, the Sharks have won five out of six series historically, beating two damn good teams in St. Louis and the 2003-04 Avalanche in the process. I know, different roster means different results and Marleau is the only guy still around from that Colorado series, but the core of this team has been here twice before in the last 12 months – and won both times when they were up three games.

Keep the faith.

Ryane Clowe, the Sharks’ leading scorer in the playoffs, is out for game 6.  This is not good.  While I’ve certainly softened from the position I stated on the podcast, I can’t help but think the Sharks are significant underdogs tonight in Detroit.

If they do close the series out, I will be fixing myself a gigantic plate of crow.  Mmmm, crow.

Sharks lose game five in a ‘gutless’ fashion, as Jeremy Roenick might say, and the Dudes have some strong emotions about it.

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Game Five on permanent repeat for Detroit. Again and again and again and again….