Two dudes blogging and podcasting about the San Jose Sharks, straight from sunny California.

post Dudes on Hockey Awards

May 20th, 2012, 10:19 am

Filed under: blog — Written by Doug

I'm just like the Coyotes. I feel a blowout!

My daughter is now 16 days old and I feel like I’m living in an alternate universe. My days revolve around keeping track of how many times this small version of me poos and pees, singing silly songs about poos and pees and washing poos and pees off my Dudes on Hockey t-shirt, which appears to be her favorite target….not sure what she’s saying about our podcast….

I’m also pretty sure that I feel fairly poopy and pee-pee about the LA Kings making the Stanley Cup Finals, which is a virtual certainty at this point.┬áIs this really happening? Are the Sharks really keeping T-Mac as head coach and thinking that adding Bryan Marchment will fix the disturbing penalty kill? Why am I still covered in doo-doo?

As I stumble into next weeks podcast, we are creating two Dudes on Hockey award categories and we would like your help in forming the nominations. Let us know your nominees in the comment thread below and we’ll run with it.


What NHL player is the lamest, either on or off the ice? An obvious nominee would be Patrick Kane, for his drunken escapade after Round One in the playoffs coupled with his classic Vancouver limo incident and punching a cab driver in the face in his native Buffalo. Plus he’s just a tool in general. That’s my nominee.

Who is your King Douchebag? State your case and provide your evidence.


Which current San Jose Shark player would you like to see NOT return next season. No rules apply here, no logic, or trade clauses. Just you being able to toss this player into the Diaper Champ like a nutty surprise on the NHL landfill. With the new CBA, there could be an amnesty clause that would allow you to dispose of this dirty diaper. You could also choose to not resign this players soiled baby shorts as a UFA or RFA.

Who is your Dirty Diaper and why do they stand out from the other Pamper nightmares?

We will be back next week. Until then, my hockey friends…I reek of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste.

29 Comments to “Dudes on Hockey Awards”

  1. Martha H says:

    Keeping TMc as coach makes me realize that no one in the top of the Sharks organization has any idea how to make a winning franchise. We will most likely be at the same spot next season. So, if next season, there are those who STILL say we keep TMc as they have this season, I give up completely.

    Patrick Kane is a great choice for Dbag. No one else comes close. Choking a girl, really, Patty?

    Speaking of Pattys, since TMc is staying, please please please…get rid of Marleau!!! If he is still around, then I’ll give up on the Sharks before the end of next season’s playoffs. So, my Dirty Diaper goes to Marleau.

    To put things into the proper perspective: Marleau makes more than the best goalie in hockey: Henrik Lundqvist. Now, who does more for their team???

    • evilducks says:

      Most players make more than the best goalie in the NHL, Jon Quick, so I don’t see your point.

      • Martha H says:

        True. So I’ll put it this way instead: 0 Playoff Points.

        • Ruben says:

          Joe Pavelski had 0 points, should we get rid of him, too?

          Playoff Career:

          Pavelski: .31 Goals/Game, .60 Points/Game
          Marleau: .40 Goals/Game, .68 Points/Game

          This doesn’t include the fact that Marleau has almost always been matched up against the toughest competition in the playffs, while this was probably the first year Pavelski has had the tough assignments with him now on the top line (previous playoffs he was almost always a 2nd or 3rd liner). Also doesn’t include the fact that, both this year and historically, Marleau has been a better penalty killer.

          This is Joe Thornton, but in reverse (Marleau getting unfairly criticized for recent small sample size performance, when Jumbo was unfairly hit with early career small sample issues in the playoffs). Unless it is to make room for a Zach Parise or Ryan Suter, trading Patrick Marleau would almost surely be a step backwards for the franchise.

          • Ian says:

            Ruben your breaking the rules lol

            “No rules apply here, no logic, or trade clauses. Just you being able to toss this player into the Diaper Champ like a nutty surprise on the NHL landfill.”

  2. Haie says:

    King Douche: Kane. The body of evidence against him is overwhelming and there aren’t a lot of good candidates I can even think of. Torts comes to mind but his abuse of the media if mostly entertaining and his comments about Thornton (my 2nd favorite shark) were pretty fair. Kane just acts like a spoiled little kid which I don’t understand because he very well could have been humbled by Mr. Torres in the 1st round. That would have been Richards/Booth 2.0.

    Dirty Diaper: Hate to say it, but Marleau. It’s been discussed on this podcast and every where else why he needs to go, but I think that if the sharks can trade him to Montreal, Winnipeg, or some other Canadian team for a few youngsters it would work out good for both parties.

  3. Quick2React says:

    Dbag of the league…..Corey Perry! Slashing Nabby in the crease….taking cheap shots to a whole new level…..being a douche……not fighting a shark…ever…at least ott would (kinda) fight once or rwice if I recall….oh ya, did I mention perrys a douche??

    Dirty Diaper goes to everybody except Vlasic Couture and Greiss (he will be our Holtby if Tmac will let him) Everybody else can move the hell on!!!!

    By the way congrats Doug on the ‘lil one….I got 3 boys, 10 months 3 and 5….my top line!

  4. Ian says:

    Oh this one is fun.

    My D-bag of the league is probably Max Lapierre there is just something about him that makes me want to reach through my TV and strangle the life out of him. Runners up are the usual suspects, Perry, Ott, Torres and Kane made my short list.

    My Dirty Diaper is Antti Niemi, the goal that got the blues rolling in game 5 (you know the one) really summed up for me the whole season. I don’t know who you replace him with but I’d be happy to see him gone. Runner up is sadly Marleau who I am done defending as well.

  5. Nawanda37 says:

    Ian…get out of my head.

    Max Lapierre. They’ve worked really hard to put as many douchebags on Van as they can (can’t believe Ott was a no-go). It’s not hard to prove that he’s the biggest…youtube is an excellent resource.

    Dirty diaper is probably Nemo. The short explanation (I need to leave for work) is that he’s the catalyst nearly everything that was terrible this year, though not necessarily the cause of it. Following is a mix of fact and opinion. I think that we’re seeing the culmination of the coaching staff’s plans for how best to play with Nemo in net, which is a passive style everywhere on the ice. Niemi’s habit of letting in softies has lead to our defensemen posting up outside the offensive zone when we’re on the attack (until we’re down by two or more, at which point we start pressuring the points and scoring….duh). His terrible rebound control has led to an overall passive defense (most exemplified on the PP) that is only really focused on blocking shots and collecting rebounds instead of dispossession. He’s the only goalie I can recall who is always a rebound threat when the puck hits him square in the glove. He can’t play the puck at all, which also pulls us deeper into our own end, etc.

    • Ian says:

      I’m glad we think alike because you really articulated my beef with Nemo much better than I did.

  6. evilducks says:

    My douchebag of the league continues to be Corey Perry. He plays dirty, cheapshots, dives, runs goalies and has this face:

    How do you not want to punch it?

    As for the Dirty Diaper Award I’m going with Handzus. Yeah, he doesn’t make much, but he’s just awful on the 3rd line. He brings every player he’s on the ice with down. I’m not making this up, I mean numerically they have lower possession when he’s there than when he’s not.

    That’s scary bad. He needs to go.

    • Martha H says:

      With Handzus though…is it Handzus or the coach? He’s done amazing in the World Championships. So, what gives? I think he was utilized an coached very badly in San Jose, as is so many other players.

      • evilducks says:

        The coach systematically made every single player on the ice worse only when Handzus was on the ice? That’s some pretty impressive coaching.

  7. Patrick says:

    I’ll go Ryan Kesler and Niemi.

    For some reason Kesler’s diving annoys me much more than all the other divers in the league.

    I like Patrick Kane. There. I said it.

  8. Ruben says:

    Douchebag – Still Corey Perry for me. The fact that he is actually a good hockey player doesn’t help things either.

    Though man do I dislike Alexander Burrows.

    Dirty Diaper – Im going with Doug Murray, though Michael Handzus only skates by because of the terrible offseason he had. Doug Murray is a poor skater, makes poor deisions with the puck when pressured (which is all the time because he is, you know, slow), is not particularly strong on his stick, and has to have one of the worst shots in the entire NHL. I think the Sharks can win with Marleau on the top line, we can win with Niemi as the starter, but I do not think we are good enough to win if Doug Murray is in the top 4.

    • Patrick says:

      I agree that I don’t want Murray in the top 4, but I do like him on the team. I know the stats don’t back up him having any real value. I guess all I can say to justify it is that I like having someone, anyone, who opponents know they need to watch out for.

      • Ruben says:

        I will give Murray this, it is fun when he absolutely destroys someone, and he is good at it. If he can be hid on the bottom pair for 12 minutes a game, great, but then his salary is an issue and I doubt he will take a pay cut after next year.

  9. Matt says:

    Dirty Diaper: Handzus. if there is any form of buyout-exception in the upcoming season, the sharks should do it to get out of this contract. please free him

  10. Paul says:

    Man I guess it’s just hard for me to hate Kane and Kesler, just because they’re American- although there are so many reasons to hate them. But I think the American thing takes precedence for me, especially when I think about coming so close to the gold a couple years ago. Thus, I gotta go with Perry for King Douche.

    As for the diaper, I gotta go with Niemi over Marleau, simply because I think that if Marleau stays, I think we’ll find ways to be fine. But if Niemi stays, he’s gonna start, and I don’t think we’ll be fine.

    • WingsFanInSharkLand says:

      Completely agree on Kesler/Kane. Other than the mouthpiece, Kane doesn’t do much on the ice that bothers me.

      Biggest douche in my book is Burrows. I still giggle every time I watch that clip of Lucic punching him in the head during last year’s SCF.

      • Ruben says:

        Outside of the Sharks’s 1 win, my favorite moment of the playoffs so far was when Mike Richards destroyed Burrows, and then when Burrows tried to step up Richards swatted him away and Burrows hit the deck again.

  11. Carol says:

    While Patrick Kane may deserve a king douche lifetime achievement award, the 2012 king douche goes to either perry or raffi torres. both had so many dirty plays this year, hard to choose. i’ll take torres.

    dirty diaper is nemo for those rebounds. but patty needs to go too even though i hate to say that about someone who was a great shark for a lot of years…

    VERY lovely baby!

  12. Pattycakebakersman says:

    Dirty Diapers: Colin White, Jason Demers, Hanzus, Nemo + Whoever was coaching the PK
    and I wanna say Patty Marleau but he did pot 30 goals so he’s at the bottom of the list
    I get a personal dirty diaper for buying a Heatley Jersey…
    DBAG: 1.Torres 2.Ott 3.Perry+entire Ducks Roster + City of LA, wana say Pronger but I kinda feel bad for him now and wish he was still playing so I could hate on him more
    Best Moment of the season I can think of was Owen Nolan’s retirement so bummer season…
    Sharks should Bring Nolan out of retirement for next season, on a line w Cheechoo…
    Rick Nash

  13. James says:

    Dbag: Todd Bertuzzi. Shouldn’t be in the league.

    DD: As Doug knows, there’s never just one. In fact they never end. So … Marleau, Niemi, Handzus, White, the entire coaching staff …

  14. DodyWoodFan says:

    james you beat me to it, how quickly people forget about Bertuzzi, not only should he not be in the league i`m thinking jail time, wasnt there a civil suit against him?

    as for the dirty diaper we can start with Niemi, its time to see all that talent we have in the minor leagues going to waste.

  15. mattcaffeine says:

    Douchebag – I’d say it’s a tie between Torres and Kessler, for different reasons. Clearly Kessler for the diving, whining, complaining and other general douchy things he brings every game. Torres – he’s been a headhunter for too long I’m rooting against Phoenix just for the hope he never gets his name on the Stanley cup. I hope he never sets foot on NHL ice again.

    Dirty Diaper – Tough one, lots of turds this season. I think it’s time Niemi and Marleau found a home somewhere else. Clear up some cap space, invest a little in the future.

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